"Is it A.I., or allergy season?" A silly poem becomes a full song

Back in 2022, or thereabouts, I wrote the following verses about the joys of allergies:

Nostrils like giant highways

let spring snot flow for days.

Allergies tickle, prickle and itch.

You cough and you sneeze, and your eyes twitch.

Can't make music in this condition.

Your brain turns to mush with medication.

Cottony thoughts dampen ambition

and any hope for artistic expression.

I just want to go to sleep,

and snore my way to oblivion.

Since then, artificial intelligence has leapt out of science fiction books like an angry xenomorph, and has become part of our life, for better or worse.

That inspired me to develop the original idea into a song that would compare the cottony mental state of drug-induced allergy relief to the lazy thinking that is bound to result from too much reliance on A.I. And to drive the irony further, I'd use A.I. to generate the music and singer. To that end, I've been dabbling with Suno.

Much like Midjourney and Leonardo for images, it's amazing that Suno works at all; the engineering behind those tools is incredible. Artistically, Suno is a roll of the dice, which again is no surprise.

Sound quality is uneven. It starts out good for a few bars, deteriorates with a kind of shimmer, then it's good again, bad again, and so on. Some styles of music work better than others, but overall compositions tend to be repetitive. As you use it, you'll come to recognize the patterns the A.I. relies on. But of course, that's today. By this time next year, none of those notes are likely to apply.

My most successful attempt so far is "J'adore Les Croissants," a folksy French song I wrote as a tongue-in-cheek homage to French singer Francis Cabrel. The melody turned out surprisingly catchy, so much so that I want to record it for real.

"Allergy Season" took longer to come together, party because I refined the lyrics many times to make them fit within a musical framework; and partly because the A.I. wasn't hitting the vibe I had in mind. But eventually I got there. Enjoy the silliness:

"Is it A.I., or allergy season?"

An A.I.-generated singer performs A.I.-generated music based on lyrics generated by my silly human brain.

[VERSE]

My stuffy nose can’t take in air,

But snot just flows — it doesn’t care.

Allergies tickle, they prickle and itch.

Spring has come to make me its bitch.

Thoughts running on auto fill.

These blue pills are just too chill.

Pollen loads malware in my eyes

Am I here or am I digitized?

[BRIDGE]

I cough and I sneeze; it’s a mind glitch,

Can’t trust myself or my decisions.

My brain is blank, and slow as pitch,

A mental case of constipation.

[CHORUS]

Is it A-I … or allergy season?

Is it A-I … or allergy season?

Is it A-I … or allergy season?

Is it A-I … or allergy season?

[VERSE]

Tear ducts flood like monsoon rains,

My eyes locked in nature’s chains.

I sneezed so hard, I shook my brain,

Now my thoughts circle the drain.

All I want is go to sleep,

Snore myself to oblivion.

Let my dreams take a wild leap,

But all I feel is depression.

[BRIDGE]

I cough and I sneeze; it’s a mind glitch,

Can’t trust myself or my decisions.

My brain short-circuits like a light switch.

Forget about my ambitions.

[CHORUS]

Is it A-I … or allergy season?

Is it A-I … or allergy season?

Is it A-I … or allergy season?

Is it A-I … or allergy season?

[VERSE]

Why does air turn me into goo?

I bruised a rib from a huge atchoo.

Survived COVID and even the flu,

But ragweed makes me feel like poo.

My thoughts upload at half the speed,

Auto correct fills all my needs.

Am I conscious, or just taking space?

Reboot me now, kick me in the face.

[BRIDGE]

I cough and I sneeze; it’s a mind glitch,

Can’t trust myself or my decisions.

My brain is rotting in a ditch,

I give up on self-expression.

[CHORUS + FINALE]

Is it A.I. … or allergy season?

Is it A.I. … or allergy season?

Is it A.I. … or allergy season?

Is it A.I. … or allergy season?